Here’s How Much You Should Actually Weigh

And the dangers of aspiring toward any number less.

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels

If you haven’t said it yourself, you’ve likely heard someone make a comment like, “Only 12 more pounds to go before I reach my goal weight.”

Ah, the almighty goal weight.

It’s a number most everyone seeking to shed some pounds has in mind. But, of all the numbers one could pick, why that very one?

Many link it back to a time in life when they’ve felt their most attractive.

New parents (moms and dads) know it as their pre-pregnancy weight.

Others say it was a number suggested to them by their health care provider or that ripped person at the gym they recently started paying $100 an hour to make them hate exercise even more than they did before.

Wherever the number was derived from, it usually holds far more “weight” than it rightfully should.

The dangers and risks in aspiring toward a specific weight loss goal.

In a world rife with diet programs and pressure to look a certain way, we’ve been programmed to tell our bodies how much they should weigh. Once we set out to reach that number, a series of unhealthy events can unravel.

You think, in the beginning, you’re just making a short-term sacrifice, but you don’t realize the long-term havoc you’re wreaking on your relationship with food and body image.

You become fixated on numbers.

You count every calorie in and every calorie out. You weigh yourself daily to gauge your progress. You scrupulously monitor your steps and reps. Numbers are at the center of everything you do, hijacking the role of the body to expend and take in energy at its own will. Instead, some external source is telling you what, when, and how much to eat and exercise. The body has no say in your actions, and the mind is too distracted with numbers to even realize it.

You start to fantasize about or obsess over food.

If you’ve subscribed to a weight loss program that prohibits you from eating certain foods or caps your daily calorie intake at less-than-adequate number, food deprivation is likely to ensue. The danger in limiting or prohibiting certain foods is not the deprivation itself but the psychological side effects of that deprivation — dreaming and fantasizing about off-limits foods, counting down the minutes until your next meal, and being highly-attentive of what and how much others around you eat. Now, it’s numbers and food thoughts together that are consuming your headspace.

While food’s main purpose is nourishment, we can — and should — also derive pleasure from it in moderation.

You’re likely to gain all of your weight back plus some.

The deprivation will eventually lead to a breaking point where you launch the rule book out the window and b-line straight for the refrigerator. At this point, your body signals to your brain to signal to you to reach for the highest-calorie item you can find. You grab that item, you eat it, and without giving any regard to your hunger or fullness cues, you’re signaled to eat more. This is your body telling you it’s scared of returning to a state of nutrient and calorie deficiency and wants you to overcompensate for the restriction its endured. The first overeating or binge episode is likely to be the impetus of an ongoing restrict>obsess>binge>self-ridicule cycle. What’s more, your food-deprived body has learned to survive off of less energy than non-energy-deprived bodies of your similar size, so it’s likely to store any excess calories rather than burn them off. This combination sets you up to gain back all the weight you had lost and possibly more.

You’re planting the seed for long-term risks.

I know, first-hand, how life-threatening and self-sabotaging food restriction can be. That vicious restrict-binge cycle led me to a long, treacherous battle with bulimia nervosa and body dysmorphia. You think, in the beginning, you’re just making a short-term sacrifice, but you don’t realize the long-term havoc you’re wreaking on your relationship with food and body image.

You don’t know what to do with the new you.

Even in cases where people do reach their goal weight, there’s one question they must reckon with once they do: Now what? This is usually followed by a series of ancillary questions, like:

Do I continue to weigh myself everyday for the remainder of my existence?

If I gain a pound, do I restrict my calories for a day or two, hop back onto the scale, see that glorious number flash back at me, and then pat myself on the back?

Can I eat a candy bar now?

Maybe I should try to lose even more weight?

I was this person for more than 15 years, and it was the most debilitating existence. Incessant self-torture and all caused by this hope and idea of achieving some arbitrary weight loss goal. Not. Worth. It.

How much you should actually weigh.

Rather than painstakingly trying to weigh a number cherry-picked by ourselves or someone else, we should be letting our bodies dictate how much we eat and move and, in turn, how much we weigh. By doing this, we will achieve our set point weight — the weight at which our individual bodies function most optimally.

Your set point weight is not the same as your best friend’s or your coworker’s or Scarlett Johansson’s. It is not the same because no two bodies are genetically and biologically hardwired the same.

Your set point weight is also not an exact number but a range of 10–20 pounds at which your body will remain unless extreme measures are taken, such as food restriction and compulsive exercise or consistent overeating and insufficient exercise.

How to achieve your set point weight.

In theory, arriving at our set point weight seems simple. You eat when you’re hungry, stop when you’re full, and engage in gentle movement of the body throughout the day to regulate your metabolism and keep your body fat to muscle ratio in balance.

However, for anyone with a history of dieting in the form of food restriction, intuitive eating and exercising comes less naturally. The brain needs to be retaught to think about food primarily as a means of energy and not as an indulgence.

This is not to say we should never indulge in food. After all, no one needs cake; no one needs a glass of wine. While food’s main purpose is nourishment, we can — and should — also derive pleasure from it in moderation.

Because intuitive eating and moderate indulgence seems unfathomable to a brain and a body accustomed to living in extremes, here are some tips to help you get started.

Ditch your scale.

I know, I know. The scale has been your lifeline throughout your weight loss journey. It’s what’s held you accountable to stay on track. Not having it makes you fear you’ll spiral out of control, but this is simply not true. If anything, weighing yourself every day has taken away your control. If you sit down, close your eyes, and put all focus on your body and you can’t tell if your current weight is 157 pounds or 163 pounds, why does it matter what the scale says? What matters is how your body is telling you it feels. The goal is to get it to feel nourished and energized; not to fit into your jeans from sophomore year of college.

Avoid planning your meals.

Have an adequate supply of nutritious foods on hand, but don’t plan out your meals, when possible. Instead, ask yourself what sounds good in the moment . Maybe it’s a bowl of oatmeal with a sliced banana, berries, and almond butter. Maybe it’s eggs and toast. Let your body decide what it wants, don’t second-guess it, and enjoy each bite.

Mindfully eat.

You might be tired of hearing this one, but, with practice, it’s a true game-changer. Once you’ve prepared whatever meal your body was craving, take the time to thoroughly enjoy it. Silence your phone, turn off the TV, and put all the energy of your senses on the plate of food before you. Smell it. Chew it slowly, and mentally note all of the different textures and flavors. Put your fork down between bites and use this time to engage in dinner table conversation or to show appreciation for the many people it took to make this meal possible. Every few minutes, stop to ask your body a couple of basic questions: Is this still tasting good to you? Is your hunger satisfied, or do you want a few more bites and for me to check back in a bit? Over time, you’ll start to ask these questions subconsciously. Just as when you were a baby and pushed your bottle away when you were full, you will do the same with a bowl of gooey mac and cheese.

As someone who’s overcome more than 20 years of compulsive food thoughts and being trapped in the restrict-binge-restrict cycle, I can attest that the above steps do work.

The key is being patient with yourself.

You will not get this perfect right out of the gate. You will have moments you’ll want to weigh yourself, and you might. You will have moments you’ll want to overeat, and you might.

The aim is to be kind and forgiving toward yourself if you give in to those urges.

This will help you build the self-respect you need to not only be accepting of the unique body that is yours, but also to see it for the beautiful, powerful miracle that it is.