Six Tips to Cope During Thanksgiving If You Have an Eating Disorder
Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash
Coupling an eating disorder with a holiday centered around food can be an anxiety-inducing combination. Having lived through nearly 20 Thanksgiving dinners myself while battling bulimia, I know this from first-hand experience.
Fortunately, there are things you can do to ease the anxiety and maybe even find some joy in this oftentimes overwhelming day of celebration.
Here are 10 tips that helped me approach Thanksgiving dinner (and just about any food gathering) during my eating disorder recovery.
1. Don’t Fast Before You Feast
If there’s anything we know about binge eating, it’s that the urge to do it is far more likely when the body is in a famished state. Fasting before your holiday dinner can cause intense urges to overeat — because science.
Your lower brain (also referred to as the “animal” or “primitive” brain) interprets your semi-starved body as life-threatening. So, your survival instincts kick in and tell you to eat as much food as possible to return to safety. While you may not actually be in imminent danger, this is your brain trying to protect you.
To avoid this compulsion to eat uncontrollably on Thanksgiving, make sure to eat normally before the big feast. By eating an adequate breakfast (and lunch if you “turkey” in the evening), you’ll, biologically, be in a more stable state so you can eat with a greater degree of awareness.
2. Do a Visualization Practice
Mentally rehearse how the day will play out step by step. In each moment, imagine yourself calm, confident, and content. Think about what you’re wearing, who you’re with, the setting you’re in, the food you’re eating, and the conversation being had. The more detailed you can get, the better.
Research shows our brains don’t distinguish a hypothetical situation and a real-life one. When you visualize a scenario playing out in your head as you’d ideally like it to go, it’s more likely it will happen that way.
3. Stay One Step Ahead of Any Sabotaging Thoughts
Write down all of the possible distorted thoughts that may pop up during your dinner gathering. Examples:
You can’t have pie, you didn’t work out today.
You blew it by eating that second helping of mashed potatoes, so you might as well binge.
This is a day you can allow yourself to eat until you burst. You can start fresh tomorrow.
Then, write down rational, compassionate responses to each of the statements you come up with. Examples:
I don’t need to earn my food. A little pie isn’t going to affect me in any negative way.
I wanted that extra helping of mashed potatoes. If I binge, I know I will just feel worse and beat myself up while everyone else continues to have a good time together.
What good will eating until I burst do me? I will just feel ashamed and uncomfortable.
Make an agreement with yourself in advance that you won’t allow the eating disorder thoughts to impede your holiday fun. If they do still come up and you don’t have the energy to mentally respond, a simple “Not today, junior!” can go a long way.
4. Find a Support Person
If possible, confide in someone who you can trust to serve as an ally to you if and when triggering comments about food, diets, weight, or body come up. While you have every right to physically remove yourself from those conversations, a support person can help if those remarks are directed toward you.
For instance, if someone comments on how healthy you look or the amount of food you take, your ally can redirect the conversation. A complete subject change can work really well. If your ally isn’t present, take no shame in not responding at all. If someone is this focused on your body and your food choices, the problem lies with them — not with you.
5. Wear Comfortable Clothes
If Thanksgiving really is about being with the ones you love, then you can wear whatever the you-know-what you feel like. You deserve to be mentally and physically comfortable.
Wearing loose-fitting clothes can ease any anxiety you have about people looking at your body and make for a more pleasurable eating experience. After all, it is Thanksgiving, and you may eat a smidge past your desired fullness level. Being in comfortable clothing following your meal helps keep the focus off of your body.
6. Carve Out Time for Self-Care
“Nothing diminishes anxiety faster than action.” — Walter Anderson
The holidays can feel overwhelming, even when things go as smoothly as possible. Make sure to have a few self-care strategies or healthy coping tactics you can turn to while you’re out of your element.
Some ideas:
Go on a walk. You’ve heard this one a million times and for good reason — walks are a great way to help us reset.
Call or text a friend. Take 10 minutes to speak with someone who never fails to raise your spirits. Even plan it out ahead of time so they expect your call.
Run super cold water over hands. This shock to the body can release hormones that can enhance your mood and slow down your heart rate.
Self-care looks different for everyone. Think about what’s feasible for you, and aim for it to entail compassion, kindness, grace, and forgiveness.
Thanksgiving is one of those extra challenging days for anyone struggling with or recovering from an eating disorder.
I hope these tips are helpful to you.
I hope you can prepare for and even welcome the discomfort you are bound to experience.
I hope you can remember that you are not alone.
I’ll certainly be thinking of you.
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