What to Do If Someone Comments on Your Body Over the Holidays
Or your food choices
Photo by JackF sourced from Adobe Stock.
The holidays are a time for merriment, camaraderie, gratitude, and jubilee.
They’re also a time for people to be extraordinarily foolish.
Inevitably, at least one person in the bunch feels entitled to comment on someone’s perceived weight loss or weight gain or the amount of food they choose to eat. Sometimes it’s sheer naïveté. Other times it’s blatant insensitivity.
Here are some ways to respond when someone makes an unsolicited comment about your (or someone else’s) body or food choices.
If You’ve Gained Weight
“My, you’re looking quite healthy!”
This backhanded comment is among the most common from the uncle or former high school acquaintance you’ve (intentionally) not seen since last year’s holiday break.
In no case is this comment appropriate, for reasons including but not limited to the following:
You’re struggling with an eating disorder or disordered eating.
You’re undergoing treatment for disordered eating or an eating disorder and had weight to restore.
Life has been heavy or chaotic, and health has taken a temporary backseat.
You’re an aging human with a changing body.
Ways to respond to comments on perceived weight gain:
Sarcastic response: “Why thank you! So sweet of you to notice.”
Change the subject response: “Aww, thanks! On to more important topics, what did you think of that Chiefs game?”
Protective response: “My body is not your concern. How about we just try and enjoy each other’s company?”
Note: If you’ve been unwell or malnourished and you believe the person was genuinely trying to compliment you, responding with a simple “thank you” is sufficient. Of course, this can be hard if you’ve been resistant to weight restoration, but know the person’s intentions were not ill-willed.
If You’ve Lost Weight
“Wow, you’ve lost weight”
“Oh my, you’re so thin. We need to feed you plenty today.”
“Man, I wish I had your body!”
Weight loss comments can be all over the place. If you’ve lived in a larger or fat body and have lost weight, the comments are often meant to be taken as compliments (more on this in a moment). On the other hand, if you’re suffering from an eating disorder or have unintentionally lost weight, they may come from a place of concern.
Depending on how triggering you find the comment to be, here are some responses you can lean on:
Sarcastic response: “Wow, it’s so great to see you, too [name].”
Change the subject response: “I appreciate your concern. Are you up for playing some cards?”
Protective response: “Can we please avoid making any comments related to bodies, weight, or diets while we’re together?”
If people believe they’re complimenting you on your perceived weight loss, this is still not okay, and for various reasons I outline in this article, If you’re thinking, “but I hope they say something about my smaller frame,” this article is also for you.
If You Take Too Much or Too Little Food
“Sarah, I made these cheesy mashed potatoes just for you; that’s all you’re going to take?”
“Wow, that’s quite the plate you got there; I’ll be amazed if you finish it.”
My mom is notorious for scanning the plates around the table and, if yours isn’t spilling over on the sides, unabashedly asking why you took so little.
People feel entitled to unabashedly comment on how much or little food you take. If this happens to you, don’t hesitate to pull out one of these responses from your back pocket:
Sarcastic response: “You made these just for me?! Wow, I can’t believe everyone else had the audacity to take some, too.”
Change the subject response: “Wow, you’re observant. How was your trip here? Any hiccups?”
Protective response: “Why don’t you focus on your own plate, and I’ll focus on mine. Bon appetit.”
Conclusion
People can be naive or downright foolish with the comments they make about others’ bodies and food choices, and the holidays are a notorious time for us to experience this a bit extra.
If others make comments that trigger you, it’s important that you also understand the possibilities of what may be occurring from their vantage point:
They have their own issues with food or body image and feel compelled to observe and involve themselves with others’ appearances and eating behaviors.
They’re genuinely concerned about your health and well-being.
They think these comments are normal banter and haven’t ever had anyone correct them or put them in their place.
One of the best things you can do to safeguard yourself from these comments is to make an advance request. Ask the party to avoid making any comments related to food, bodies, diets, or weight loss. If you’re not comfortable making this request, ask a trusted ally who will be present if they could make it on your behalf.
Finally, remember you are not alone and that you deserve to feel peace around food and in your body. I welcome you to send me an email or message me on Instagram if you’re in need of support.
Happy holidays,
Mikaela
